a true story about the end of the eras tour & what music does for us

I surveyed 150 people about what the end of The Eras Tour means to them. This is what they said.

cw: references to depression, pregnancy loss, cancer, suicide, and eating disorders

I cut out a whimsical pink butterfly tattoo, place it on my arm, soak a washcloth in my sister-in-law’s bathroom sink, and press it onto my skin for 60 seconds. When I unpeel the damp film, there’s a pink glittery butterfly just below my wrist, where there used to be nothing but bare skin.

I show it off to my sister-in-law Alyssa and we trade a pot of glitter back and forth. It’s April 2023, and we’re getting ready for The Era’s Tour in Dallas, Texas.

I wear a light-pink outfit and a big hot pink fluffy jacket inspired by an outfit Taylor wears in the “You Need to Calm Down” video. Before we get into our rideshare to head to the stadium, my niece Isla crawls to me and we take a selfie and I try not to cry.

I never saw my nephew, Isla’s brother, crawl to me—I’d missed that season because I lived in California and they in Texas in 2020 and people were only really flying then for emergencies. There was so much we all missed that we’d never get back.

For me, that night of The Eras Tour felt like a kind of defiance. Yes we had all lost things we could never get back. And the loss was not over, would never be over, really. But we would glue glitter to ourselves anyway, if only for a night. We would recall what we lost, sit in the knowing of all we would never get back, and decide we could still chase a feeling. A dream. Even if it meant the dream had to change a little. Even if it meant we did, too.

*

A few weeks after the show I got a permanent pink butterfly tattoo below my wrist.

*

A year and a half later, all I could think about was how much I wanted to go again. I wanted to see the new Tortured Poets Department set, sure, but I also wanted to feel that feeling again. I was afraid I was going to forget.

I also wondered. Why did that night mean so much to me? Why did I so desperately want to go again? Why was I feeling oddly sad that it was about to end? And why oh why did I keep checking resell tickets in Toronto and Vancouver even though I knew they would only go up as time went on since I was sure more and more people were feeling like I was—that once this ends it ends, and we will never get it back.

I almost consider dropping $2500 and flying to Canada for the first time. If I hadn’t had the chance to see the show yet I probably would have. But alas, I decided: it was time to let it go.

Or was it?

*

I needed to do one last thing. I needed to write about it.

A few weeks ago, I shared a survey on Instagram asking people to share their personal Eras Tour experience.

Exactly 150 people filled out the survey and I read over 68,000 words from people who generously shared with me what The Eras Tour has meant to them.

This is what they said.

“I was enchanted to meet you”

The first question I asked was if they could remember when they became a fan of Taylor Swift’s music, and I was surprised that not a single person of the 150 couldn’t remember. They all remembered the exact moment (which, I mean, I could tell you the intersection I drove through when I first heard “Tim McGraw”). But I thought maybe that was just me.

It wasn’t.

Everyone remembered the moment, where they were, and what was going on in their life. For some it was when they were still riding in a car seat, and others it was later in life or later albums. But they all remembered a moment in time, the person they were then, and how the music made them feel.

For Allie, that moment happened in 2006 when she was in 7^th grade and her mom bought her Taylor’s debut album. “Listening to it for the first time,” Allie shares, “changed something in me. I felt like this girl had been following me around writing music about my life.”

That was a sentiment a lot of people shared, this feeling that Taylor was “spying” on their life. And by “spying” they really meant that they’d never felt more seen.

In 2006 Allie saw Taylor Swift perform in a small gymnasium in her hometown. “At the end of the show,” Allie recalls, “Taylor announced that she would stay and meet every single person in that gym who wanted to meet her.”

For Lynn Lebsack, though, it wasn’t music that drew her to Taylor initially, but it was a moment. “I was in my backyard listening to the radio,” she says, “and there was a news blurb that Taylor Swift had won her counter suit against the DJ who had assaulted her for one dollar. I thought to myself, ‘Oh. This is a girl I can get behind.’”

“I cry a lot but I am so productive”

I then asked people if Taylor’s music had ever gotten them through a hard time. I was surprised by how few people referenced breakups and how instead they referenced so many other kinds of losses.

Debra says the lyric “I wish that I could unrecall how we almost had it all” helped her process a serious diagnosis and grieve the life she would never have.

Lindsey says the Folklore and Evermore albums helped her process a pregnancy loss and “helped me feel my pain wouldn’t be for evermore.”

Nikki says the song “You’re On Your Own, Kid” helped her reconcile growing up with a mother who had a drug addiction and often left her to fend for herself.

Sinem Günel says screaming Taylor Swift songs helped her face “one of the hardest periods of my life when my mum got diagnosed with cancer.”

Jennifer Martinez says she moved to the US in 2017 “running from Venezuela’s dictatorship regime. I had to leave my home and my mother’s family. I was devastated. Then, Reputation was released, and my life changed. Taylor wrote about her pain; she ‘rose up from the dead,’ and I felt completely dead inside. She gave me the strength to communicate my anger and my sadness. She expressed what I could not say.”

Imagine says, “There was a time when I suffered from panic attacks that caused an eating disorder. Sometimes I could only get myself to eat if I had the sweet distraction of Taylor Swift’s music. It brought back happy memories that I could hold on to.”

A few people wrote about how they almost left the world until they heard a Taylor Swift song that kept them here.

“I was actively suicidal when Taylor announced Reputation,” Sydney says, “and I really just stayed alive to be able to hear it. But the more singles she released leading up to it, the more validated I felt as someone who’s always been a chronic people pleaser. It was so freeing to be able to listen to her stand up for herself and realize her worth when she was at her lowest. It just made me want that for myself and to stay alive.”

There were also people like Anna Hollingsworth who said, “growing up I had a lot of learning challenges, and her music helped me to understand human connection and emotion through song.”

Many people cited how the song “Soon You’ll Get Better” helped them cope with a parent’s cancer diagnosis. And “I Can Do it With a Broken Heart” helped many people grieving the death of a loved one.

For Tracy, that song also helped her get through her own cancer diagnosis. “I always play it before a treatment or test or scan. It’s amazing how her experiences can mirror what I’m feeling in a totally different scenario but it just completely nails it. Because sometimes you have to put on the brave face and smile through the pain to get yourself through the day.”

These were the kind of heartbreaks referenced most often, the times when people lost their health, lost a loved one, or lost themselves.

But there were of course a few references to romantic breakups, like when Heather learned that her partner of 13-years was living a double life; she found out while scrolling Instagram that he married another girl. Evermore dropped around that time and Heather says it “helped me heal.”

There were also a few women who shared how they found strength in Taylor’s songs to leave toxic relationships.

One woman attended The Era’s Tour with her boyfriend and said that, during Taylor’s performance of “Tolerate it,” she realized they needed to break up. “It felt like she was telling me how I needed to see myself as worthy of love.”

Cathy doesn’t cite current heartbreak, but says the line “But then he watched me watch the front door willing you to come and he said it’s supposed to be fun turning 21,” from the “All Too Well” 10-minute version makes her heart break knowing how that might happen to her daughters one day. When she thinks back to her younger self, she says, “I can’t believe I let some jerk rob me of my joy at that age.”

Another woman shared that Taylor’s songs are currently helping her get through a “horrible heartbreak with my husband of 23 years.”

Everyone said the music made them feel less crazy, less alone, and more hopeful.

And most of all, whatever the loss, people shared that Taylor’s music did for them what the Reputation album did for Fiona after a difficult breakup: “it got me my confidence back.”

“Like we dream impossible dreams”

Next I asked if Taylor Swift the person has inspired them in any way. There were strong recurring themes.

Most people talked about how Taylor Swift inspired them to take up more space, speak up, not be a doormat for other people, and step into their power. Some people said she helped them find their voice. One person said, “Taylor’s lyrics gave me a voice.”

Quite a few people wrote about how inspired they were by Taylor’s work ethic and willingness to be so vulnerable and remain so open in a world that is harsh to celebrities, harsh to women, and harsh to almost everyone who is vulnerable.

The way she keeps coming back, the way she doesn’t disappear for long, seems to inspire so many women to keep going when the world tells them to shrink.

Many people also wrote about how Taylor has encouraged them to be more themselves. As Fiona said, “Taylor has inspired me to be authentically myself, put creativity and ambition at the heart of what I do, and not give a sh*t of what people think of me (still working on that one).”

Most of all, people said that Taylor inspires them to keep working towards their own dreams. One woman even said the reason she was drawn to Taylor’s music in the first place was the way she sensed a dreamer behind the songs. She says it was so easy for her as “a young girl to become a fan of a young girl who was pursuing her dreams.”

“Best believe I’m still bejeweled”

When The Eras Tour was announced, attending became the stuff of dreams for so many who had connected with her music over the last 18 years.

Many people shared the emotional roller coaster of trying to get tickets, and while not everyone could attend the actual concert, it seems the very scarcity also added to the excitement, the specialness. And for those who did get tickets, the looking forward to the concert and the getting ready for the concert were almost as meaningful as the show itself.

I will let the respondents speak for themselves on this one, because I thought they described the feeling of the getting ready process perfectly:

“Like chatting with best friends all day.” —Andrea

“Like prom for us adults!!” —Fiona

“My initial idea was to dress like the song ‘Mirrorball.’ When cutting the mirror pieces, we bled a little. But I felt amazing because I was doing something completely original. The day of the concert was like a ceremony. I got in the car, and the sun reflected in the mirror tiles. I was shining inside and out.” —Jennifer Martinez

“Getting ready on the day brought me back to high school and college. I was in a hotel room with my sister and friend. We had Taylor playing, we were doing each other’s hair and make-up. It was girlhood. After college there aren’t many opportunities to have experiences like that. Sure, you go out with your friends and you may send a text to see what everyone else is wearing, but there is no longer a group of girls in a room, sharing a mirror, singing, dancing, hyping each other up, excited for what’s about to happen. When is there an opportunity for a 30-something to wear glitter, sequins, and leotards in public and everyone adore it? It’s just so rare.” —Heather Allen

“We wrote lyrics on our arms and 13 on our hands. It felt like we were kids again getting ready for a dance recital. It felt like a slumber party.” —Mackenzie Corpstein

“It was the most fun and exciting thing that I’ve ever had to look forward to.” —Allie

“It just gave me something to look forward to in one of my bleakest moments. I was dealing with an eating disorder at the time it was announced, and severely depressed. When I told my mom about the concert, she actually started crying because she said it was the first time she’d seen me smile or look excited about anything in months. It really just made me excited about life again and helped bring color back to my face.” —Sydney

Though for some, the days leading up to the concert were some of the worst of their life:

“I was diagnosed with cancer three days before seeing The Eras Tour. I remember experiencing the concert and listening to her music and feeling like she was speaking to me, especially ‘Long Live’. It let me escape all the fear in my mind and just enjoy myself and it made me feel like I would be able to fight. I decided to keep that magic and energy going throughout my battle. I made the friendship bracelets. I got The Eras Tour sherpa blanket and 1989 cardigan to wear during my treatments. The way she fought for her dreams makes me know that I can fight for mine. I was able to attend a second show with the new TTPD set and it was amazing to be able to experience that same magic. I had also recently been told that I was cancer free and it felt like a full circle moment.” —Tracy

And for a few people, the concert was a last-minute thing, a risk they took, an impossible dream they decided to chase. Like Natalie Hornya who flew to Indianapolis without a ticket, without a plan, and, as she put it, “living for ‘the hope of it all.’” She ended up winning a ticket 90 minutes before the show started.

“Make the friendship bracelets”

When I asked people to describe the concert itself, while they of course mentioned the music and how empowering it was to see a woman and so many other talented artists own a stage like that, what they mostly wrote about was the way the other concert-goers made them feel.

“The community surrounding The Eras Tour is a unique one. I joined so many social media groups leading up to my trip, and met some pretty cool people through them. I spent a day and a half with another Swiftie who drove to town for the show—we had never met before, and she not only helped me find a ticket but drove me around after we met—even dropped me at the airport! It’s not often you find a group of people who are that kind.” —Natalie Horyna

“The women around me were so kind and loving and so wonderful. We made fun videos and sang so loud and even held hands through sad songs!” —Andrea

“Sorority, love, fun, glitter, skirts, makeup, and all fun things I ever wanted to express in the most raw expression. I never thought I could feel so safe, loved, and understood in a concert.” —Andrea

“It defined girlhood and a communal sense of belonging.” —Fiona

“It was the most healing, amazingly beautiful experience! It really did mend my heart and soul in ways I didn’t know possible. From crying to ‘My Tears Ricochet’ and ‘Marjorie’ to jumping and dancing to ‘Shake it Off’ like I was alone in my room. No one judges you at a Taylor Swift concert.” —Nikki Brown

Three of the most used words in this survey were “healing,” “girlhood,” and “safe.” So many people said they experienced a kind of emotional and bodily safety they’d never experienced in their lives. Quite a few said they were nervous about the event because of social anxiety, but that once they were there it was one of the best days of their life.

“It’s rare to be in such a large group of genuinely happy people. I was surrounded by strangers but I felt safe. It felt like we all knew and understood each other in a sense. It was a beautiful unity of people. I’ll hold on to that feeling forever.” —Imagen

“The crowd at the tour was the most non-threatening crowd I’ve ever been in! Everyone was just so happy to be there! In Los Angeles, that can be rare. The security guards were trading bracelets and it was just such a fun experience.” —Robyn Altman

While many people said they’d never felt safer among strangers, they also cited how close the concert experience made them feel to the loved ones they attended with, like John who took his daughters to see the show:

“My daughters drew me to her music. They wanted to go see her on the 1989 tour. We went and I was hooked. Being a child of the 80’s, 1989 brought me back to my high school years, and seeing her in concert was amazing. She connected with the audience so personally and made you feel like she knew each audience member personally. Plus, I had found a common bond with my two then middle-school-aged daughters. We travelled to Minneapolis last year, and tomorrow I’m driving to Indianapolis. My daughters are now 20 and 22, and they’re still excited to hang with dad at The Eras tour.”

Quite a few people mentioned a feeling of not being judged, and a kind of freedom to be themselves that they weren’t used to.

“It was the one time I didn’t feel alone!!! It was also a time I didn’t seem obsessive over something because we were all there for the same reason.”

“It was such a safe space without judgement. I felt like I could sing off-key and dance like a crazy person and no one would care. In fact, it felt more like they would support me and cheer me on!” —Elena

“Experiencing The Eras Tour was joy, hope, and being myself. The Eras Tour is not only a concert, but a coming-together. Everyone is accepted. Just people exchanging friendship bracelets and being happy and kind. Pure joy.” — Jennifer Martinez

“I was able to be myself, loudly and freely. I had never felt that way before.” —Amelia

“It made me feel like a kid again.” —Anna Hollingsworth

And for others, like the woman who realized she wanted to break up with her boyfriend during “Tolerate It,” there were songs sung on stage that changed them. 

“Getting to scream ‘Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve’ in the rain with Taylor and Aaron was honestly the turning point in my depression. Something just clicked and healed in that moment, and let me close a chapter I didn’t know I was still hurting from. Life changing.” —Sydney

In addition to the sense of community, people were also surprised that among so many thousands of people they didn’t feel like a grain of sand.

“Despite the actual concert being so spectacular and large-scale, it still felt very intimate. We were in the very last row with an obstructed view, but somehow it still felt like we were an integral part of the show. Looking around at all of the fans in the stadium was unbelievably overwhelming for me and very emotional. The show itself was one of the most magnificent stage productions I have ever seen. The dancing was phenomenal, the pacing was perfect, the energy from everyone, from Taylor, to the dancers, to the band, the back-up singers, was incredible. And while I have tried my best to put the concert into words it really is indescribable. I wish everyone could experience just five minutes of that joy.” —Cathy

“I was screaming ‘long live all the magic we made’”

The Eras Tour will end on Sunday December 8^th in Vancouver.

I asked people how they feel now that it’s coming to an end.

“Depressed af lol.” —Bryttani

“How do you go from a weekend where people exchange friendship bracelets to reality where the masses push and shove and don’t look up?” —Heather Allen

I also asked them what lasting feelings and impressions the show left them with.

“The power that one person can have.” —Natalie Horyna

“This might seem random, but I feel so empowered as a woman. I’m unmarried, child free, and happy but lived secretly in shame because of social pressures. Being around woman of all ages, in all different stages of life, experiencing and enjoying the same thing gave me so much perspective on how hard I was being on myself. Seeing Taylor on stage just being herself and working so hard on her passion lit a fire in me. I’m genuinely so inspired. It has been the most bizarre thing for me to say a concert changed me, but it really has.” —Andrea

Even for those who didn’t get to attend the concert for a variety of reasons, including the many devastated fans in Vienna, The Eras Tour film and following along with the tour on livestreams left a lasting impression.

“Even though I didn’t get to actually experience it, The Eras Tour is GIRLHOOD. It’s glitter, passion, love, but also all the hard emotions that come with being a woman. It’s knowing that others are struggling just like you. It’s knowing that you’re not alone—ever, because others are experiencing the same feelings. It’s the definition of a safe space where we can be whoever we are.” —Sinem Günel

“My grandma passed away from dementia, and when I saw the film in the theater ‘Marjorie’ brought me to tears. The Swiftie next to me asked if she could give me a hug.” —Danielle

“I haven’t been to The Eras Tour in person. My third baby was born a few months before the tour began, and his newborn days became very high-needs with sickness and colic and feeding issues. I watched a lot of live streams on my phone while rocking and nursing him in the dark of his nursery. Seeing her bring fans back to every era in such a creative way always lifted my spirits. And her TALENT! Her voice! The stage design! I would find something new to admire or enjoy each time I tuned in. I’ve been pregnant during her last three tours, but I would always watch recaps on YouTube or live on TikTok after getting those babies to bed. It would help me to feel like ‘me,’ before the long and tiring and sometimes depleting days of raising babies. It kept me tethered to myself in a way.” —Kortnee McCarthy

“This show has changed me forever. It’s taught me to love those around me and accept and appreciate everyone for who they are. Understanding everyone has their own story and not to judge based on the cover. Love thy neighbor. Take care of each other.” —Beck

“The lasting impression it left on me is the beauty of girlhood. We all came together with bedazzled boots, handmade costumes, and bracelets we had spent weeks making each other to a safe environment where we were free from judgement.”

“It reminded me that friendship bracelets aren’t just for kids, sequins aren’t just for special events, and to live your life in SCREAMING COLOR!” —Angela

“My favorite song is ‘Never Grow Up’ because when it first came out I was just nine and I would tell my mom that I couldn’t wait to be a grown up; she would play me this song. She said don’t grow up because you’ll miss being a kid. Now that I’m grown up, I understand.” —K’Leigh

“When I reflect on the show, it reminds me of how the world should be. Everyone together and not separated by opinions and pain. I know that’s not realistic, but being at The Era’s Tour gave me hope for our community.” —Imagen

“Coming back to reality is hard,” Heather Allen says. But after the concert, while sitting by herself in a dreary airport, “a six-year-old girl walked up to me and handed me a friendship bracelet that said ‘u r magical.'”

Of all the lasting impressions people shared, it was that feeling of community and girlhood that they said will stay with them forever, this sense of returning to who they were before the world got involved, as if The Eras Tour was a way for millions of women across the world to scream-sing, “give me back my girlhood it was mine first.”